


Fire & Gold

by DSwan17



Category: SwanQueen - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Outlawqueen - Freeform, RedBeauty, Snowing - Freeform, Swan-Mills Family, WickedBrave, WickedQueen, captainswan - Freeform, frozen swan, swanqueen - Freeform, wickedswan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7718212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DSwan17/pseuds/DSwan17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have no description yet so for now just read it and weep. Swan Queen obviously. Set after Robin's and Killian's death. Their may be self harm,suicidal thoughts maybe attempts unsure but will give a warning at beginning of those chapters. Foul language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I originally posted this on wattpad and if you want to find me there then my user is SwanQueen98. this was also originally just a one-shot which i will post on here tomorrow because I have a one-shot series as well on wattpad anyways it was originally a one-shot that i thought about writing more of and other readers thought so to so here we are. Now I'll stop rambling and let you guys read.  
> Love you all,  
> Swan

Chapter 1

Emma’s P.O.V

I started to head home collecting the leftover paperwork and files from a very long day that needed to end quickly because all I want to do right now is just get home curl up in a ball in bed and cry. Thankfully Henry is spending the weekend with his grandparents camping up at Rumple's cabin. Not to mention that Regina isn't even talking, hell even looking at me since I told her what I felt for her. And what I felt for that petite brunette was love,pure unadulterated love, love as pure and true as her love for Henry. Just as I was locking up the station I heard my phone ding. I pull my phone out from my back pocket and I froze in place, both fear and joy raced throughout my veins. Seeing that it's a text. A text from Regina. Before my nerves started to get the better of me I tapped on the notification bringing her text up onto my screen. To be honest I don't even want to read the message. I don't even want to face Regina again out of sheer embarrassment and fear of rejection. Once the message appeared fear once again overtook my body.

Regina: We need to talk. Now!  
Emma: No!

After responding to Regina's message not having the courage to face her....... well not yet at least. So she just finished locking up the door got into the bug and started the drive to her semi-new home. I scoffed at that word home it doesn’t feel like home. Not without Kil- DAMN IT SWAN GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. I pull over a few blocks away from my house, “Get a hold of yourself Emma. Breathe Swan just breathe you can do this. You can get through this”. That’s the mantra i have to keep telling myself every day morning and night. It’s not the same without him he was my best friend. But he wanted me to move on and let him die as the man he wanted to be. The more she dwelled on it the more tears streamed down her face. After a few slowed controlled deep breaths Emma put the car back into drive and drove ‘home’.

As soon as she turned the corner of her street she saw non-other than Regina Mills in the flesh sitting on the hood of her black Mercedes-Benz. I internally cursed myself for responding no to Regina. She should have know Regina was going to show up, the stubborn woman was always so persistent but then again Emma always loved that about her. Just the fact that Regina was so strong and independent, and even then having to holding her own when dealing with the bullshit this town had put her through. She powered through all that and on top of that having to deal with Emma turning into the Dark Swan trying to help save her and then being Emma's rock when she was mourning the death of Killian. Even then she was still so beautiful, strong, caring, and not even hesitating once to pick Emma back up when she was down, even helping her with Henry and Killian's......... belongings. Regina helped her through it all, and now Emma is looking at her from the corner of her eye not daring to make eye contact, she sees Regina's head snap up from her phone at hearing Emma's bug approaching her driveway but just gave Emma a blank expression. Which made Emma more nervous then when she saw her text and her just sitting there in front of her ‘home’ waiting. As soon as Emma had pulled up into her driveway parking the car and taking the keys out of the ignition her heart began pounding so hard and fast against her chest to the point where Emma was so sure she was going to either vomit or pass out, as Emma saw Regina making her way over to her. Meanwhile Emma was just gathering up her bag and the rest of her things trying hard not to notice those gorgeous long olive toned legs of her beloved walk her way over to where she was. The second Emma had all of her things and was out of the car and making her way over to her porch and then to her front door just about to enter when she hears that low sultry voice say, "So you’re just going to ignore me now". Emma just froze in front of her open door putting her keys in her pocket and placing her bag and other belongings she had brought to work and now home with her down on the porch. Turning around slowly to face Regina, Emma's eyes wide and her arms wrapped around herself as if trying to keep her invisible wounds shielded from Regina's unrecognizably harsh tone and then heard more words leave those luscious plump blood red lips saying, "Well....." while crossing her arms across her chest leaning off to one hip. Emma had yet to answer, still in shock from Regina's harsh tone. Emma finally being able to find her words starting to fume with rage, responding with "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME REGINA,........REALLY YOU’RE MAD AT ME FOR IGNORING YOUR TEXT AND NOT GIVING YOU EYE CONTACT OR TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FUCKING PRESENCE WHEN YOU HAVEN’T EVEN GIVEN ME A SINGLE LIGHT OF FUCKING DAY FOR THE PAST 3 FUCKING WEEKS!!!! BECAUSE I TOLD YOU THAT.....THAT I...THAT I LOVE YOU AND YOU HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO BE MAD AT ME!!! NO FUCK YOU REGINA MILLS!!! GET THE HELL OFF OF MY FUCKING PROPERTY NOW!!!!!". Regina stood there with a dumbfounded expression on her face, jaw loosely dropped and her eyes bulging. Emma sensed Regina may have been surprised to hear her respond in this way, but after three weeks of torturing herself over her confession, which took a courage to disclose, Emma felt angry and she had every right to be. With the amount of rejection she has had in her life, the last thing she needed was a 3 week silent treatment from the woman she loves. The woman who finally taught her what real love is. The woman she thought she would never feel that rejection from since they became closer as friends. The silent treatment was agonizing over that time. Emma was aware that Regina needed time to process it but 3 weeks was a little excessive and not so much as an acknowledgement in the street made Emma feel as though she was not only rejected, but not accepted anymore by Regina, and NOW Madam Mayor wants to talk, and she always gets her way... Although Emma was angry at Regina she quite liked that part about her. How she would take charge, and be a little demanding from time to time. She had wondered, during lonely nights cocooned in her blanket, if Regina took charge in more intimate areas of her life, and to what extent. But right now, the mayor in her very sexy black and blue low cut dress that is just reaching mid thigh, high heels, and demanding attitude, as sexy as she is, Emma was overwhelming infuriated by Regina's audacity. But Regina coming back to realization from shock just in time to see Emma, who is now shaking with anger and tears building in her eyes threatening to fall just picks up her belongings and goes inside slamming the door in Regina's face not even giving her a second glance to then collapse on the floor against the front door letting her sobs take over ripping them from her throat no longer able to keep them buried any longer.

 

I crawled out from the pain of yesterday  
I crawled to you and  
I said all the things that you said to say  
Have I said enough  
Do you like it yeah, yeah  
Do you like it yeah, yeah  
I know why you're playin' these dirty games  
They're killing me and  
I know how you love to watch me beg  
Well here I am  
Do you like it, yeah yeah  
And do you like it, yeah yeah  
And do you like it, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
I don't wanna be a puppet for you  
Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding  
I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you  
I hate myself for begging  
I hate myself for staying  
I hate myself for listening to  
You, you, you, you, you  
It's too little too late, well I can't escape  
So beggin' you please  
I changed all the things that you told me to change  
I'm on my knees  
Do you like it, yeah yeah  
And do you like it, yeah yeah  
And do you like it yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
I don't wanna be a puppet for you  
Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding  
I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you  
I hate myself for begging  
I hate myself for staying  
I hate myself for listening to you  
I just wanna get out, stuck inside of this  
Waiting for something else, waiting to exist  
Can you offer me help  
Help from what I missed, I missed, I  
Do you like it, yeah yeah  
Do you like it, yeah yeah  
Do you like it, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
I don't wanna be a puppet for you  
Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding  
I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you  
I hate myself for begging  
I hate myself for staying  
I hate myself for listening to you, oh I  
For listening to you, oh I  
For listening to you, oh I  
For listening to you, oh


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two for you guys. Hope you like it.  
>  Happy reading,  
>  -Swan

Chapter Two

Somewhere in the end of all this hate  
There's a light ahead  
That shines into this grave that's in the end of all this pain

In the night ahead there's a light upon this  
House on a hill  
The living, living still  
Their intention is to kill and they will, they will  
But the children are doing fine  
I think about them all the time  
Until they drink the wine and they will, they will, they will

Somewhere in the end we're all insane  
To think that light ahead can save us from this  
Grave that's in the end of all this pain

In the night ahead there's a light upon this  
House on a hill  
The living, living still  
Their intention is to kill and they will, they will  
But the children are doing fine  
I think about them all the time  
Until they drink the wine and they will, they will, they will

I am not afraid  
I won't burn out in this place  
My intention is to fade and I will, I will

In this house on a hill  
The dead are living still  
Their intention is to kill and they will, they will  
Keep your children safe inside  
Out of pocket, out of mind  
Until they drink the wine and they will, they will, they will

Emma walked into Regina’s office so they could have lunch together and help with Operation Mongoose. Though Emma wanted to help Regina find her true love and her happy ending she was more along the lines of hoping that Regina would give up on trying to be with Robin and be with her. Even though Regina and Robin were ‘soul mates’ Emma didn’t believe they were true love. Hell Emma didn’t even believe her and Killian were true lovers but she did love him and he knows that. But what he doesn’t know is that I’ve loved Regina since the day I met her.

“How do you feel about kale salad?”

“Like someone found someplace other than Granny’s for takeout.”

“I’m fine with her grill cheese but I know it gets to you.”

Regina chuckles, “You eat like a child. Is that a root beer?”

Emma smiled, “Two. I got you one. I thought you could use a break.”

Regina sighed and down at the book and back up to Emma, “A break from what? Dead end after dead end? Emma lowers the two bottles to the table while Regina continued “This Sorcerer-- or Author-- Whatever he wants to be called-- Doesn’t want to be found.”

Emma sighed trying to open one of the bottles while looking at Regina “It’s only been a few weeks.”

“Exactly, and I’ve conquered entire realms in less time.”

Emma sighed again “Can you conquer these bottles? I thought they were twist-offs.”

“Do I look like I can pry them off with my teeth? Emma looked back at her with a smirk while Regina responded sassily “I’m a Queen and a bit more refined.”

Emma laughed internally “Yeah I got that.” the blonde cleared her throat looking through a few draws. “My mom had a bottle opener here during her brief tenure, somewhere.”

Regina looked up to see the blonde just before she opened the drawer “ WAIT! Don’t....” But the brunette was too late as I looked into the drawer my heart fell to the bottom of my stomach and my breath hitched as I looked at the taped up page that looked to be from the book. I tried to hide my disappointment and hid it well enough when I turned around to look at Regina who was now standing from her seat looking at the page I was holding “What’s this? Did you take it from the book?”

Regina sat back down eyes cast downward at her desk “It’s not from the book. Robin found it……” Regina sighed “Before he left with his family. It appeared to him.” Emma sighed but looked up at Regina a little bit of both intrigue and curiosity. “It’s not your story. What is it?”

Regina looked into Emma’s blue-green eyes but then averted her gaze. “Robin thought it was hope…a sign that…..” My beautiful brunette inhaled deeply wit a look of sadness in her eyes “things would work out for me.” She replied before looking back up at me. She smiled bitterly before responding barely above a whisper “Turns out it was a cruel joke.” I handed Regina the page and asked “Have you heard from him?” Regina looked fondly at the page shaking her head with her voice wavering “No.”  
-SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ--SQ-  
She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.  
All the torment and the pain  
Leaked through and covered me  
I'd do anything to have her to myself  
Just to have her for myself  
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me  
The unrequited dream  
A song that no one sings  
The unattainable, she's a myth that I have to believe in  
All I need to make it real is one more reason  
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke  
Torn into pieces  
I won't, no!  
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real  
I can't make her real  
She isn't real  
I can't make her real

Regina’s P.O.V  
I stood there, just standing frozen to the spot jaw dropped, Emma had just screamed at her and slammed the door in her face. What the hell? I can hear her sobbing on the other side of the door and it breaks my heart and sent of pang of guilt rushing through my body. I had caused Emma to feel this pain. Emma…...oh god. Oh god I caused this, Jesus Christ Regina great job another fuck up to add to the scrapbook. What the fuck am I going to do to fix this?

“Emma? Please let me in? I’m sorry Emma…...I’m so so so sorry.” Nothing all she heard were Emma’s broken sobs and it only killed Regina more on this inside. So Regina did the only thing she knew what to do at this moment and that was to give Emma her space and give herself the time she needed to sort out her feelings and make thing right with Emma. I can’t stay on Emma’s porch because it is very clear that Emma does not want me here. I do not want to go home to and empty and unwelcoming home with no one to go home to because Henry is away wit his grandparents. I don’t want to go back to the office because it is too late in the evening to continuing paperwork. In that moment Regina knew the perfect place she wanted and needed to go to get some fresh air to help clear her head.

In that moment Regina flashed herself to the docks, her car be damned in this moment, on her arrival it was a little chilly and realized she was not in the appropriate outfit to be spending a few hours near the cool water just want single blow of the wind causing her to shiver in the dress and heels she was wearing. Regina quickly enveloped herself in a cloud of purple smoke revealing her black nike free runs, her black tight (yet comfortable) victoria's secret & pink yoga pants, a grey thick long sleeved knitted shirt/sweatshirt with a whitish grey tank top underneath, with her glasses on. Regina never normally dressed this way in public but at this point her mind was elsewhere dwelling and more important matters and not her appearance. The sea breeze was starting to push my hair into my face to the point of annoyance and tied it back into a messy ponytail my bangs coming to rest on the sides of my face.

All thoughts entering my mind at this point was just Emma, Emma, Emma and the words she said/screamed/cried out to me coming back tenfold and getting louder and louder with each relapse. I don’t know what to do I’m getting so frustrated I just want to.. I just….want...to…..”AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH” Regina just screamed out her frustrations and just shot balls of fire into the distance of the ocean not knowing what else to do. After a few deep breaths and looking out across the water Regina started to calm down. She was so drained she just sat down in the sand plugging her head phones into her phone and then her ears blaring her music and as soon as she clicked play Vermillion part 2 by Slipknot started and Regina quickly put this song on repeat and continued to stare out at the calm waters. After an hour or so just sitting here just breathing in that salty sea water smell when two major thoughts started to overwhelm me just coming of nowhere when I those thoughts start to calm a little I realize they are about Emma…..and……...Robin. Oh god Robin he’s gone he’s really gone and Emma oh my Emma what am I going to do wit-Regina was suddenly pulled out of thoughts when she realized that someone was holding her and was rocking her lightly. I looked behind me and was relieved when I saw that Zelena was the one holding me.She smiled at me as I pulled out my earbuds as she wiped away the tears that I hadn’t realized were streaming down my face.  
“What are you doing here so late Regina?” Zelena asked me and all I gave as a response was a choked sob that I hadn’t realize I was holding back.  
“Ssshh…..Ssssh…Regina darling it’s alright whatever happened it’s going to be okay.” I sobbed even harder into her chest as i wrapped my arms around Zee’s neck knowing that it wasn’t. Not knowing what to do about Emma while my sadness for Robin was still so strong.  
“Zee I-I-I do-don’t k-know wha-what to DOOOOO…..” I sobbed out  
“Do about what Regina? Honey do what?” Zelena knows about my feelings for Emma and how I’ve struggled with them and knows how torn I am between her and my love for Robin.  
“Eeemmaaa I-I-I don’t know whaaat too doooo Z-Zee.” Zelena only noded and continued to soothe my sobs. She knows only some about what went down between Emma and I. She knew that Emma told me she loved me and she knows that I’ve developed feelings for Emma and how much they have blossomed even more so after Robin’s funeral. Zelena also knew how much this was tearing her up inside. Regina could barely eat and when she did sleep it was mostly because of how emotionally drained she was from the many many tears she shed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think kudos and comment below. Any and all critiques are welcomed  
>  Until next time,  
>  -Swan


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi.....long time no see. I know I've been getting your hopes up every time I go in to edit because it says that I've updated but i haven't. But I will have you guys know that i have copied what I wrote on here and other sheets of paper into one large notebook to help me keep track of what I've written and where to leave off. So without further a due after a very long wait chapter three. And it is a long chapter so don't you worry.
> 
> P.S. I felt really bad for not posting for so long, oh and btw happy belated holidays and a happy new year.
> 
> -Swan

 

Emma's P.O.V

      I woke up the next morning with a stiff neck and a sore back. 'Why am I more sore than usual?' When I fully opened my eyes, I realized that I was still against the front door and started to cry again as the memories of last night were flooding my mind.

      'Oh god that actually happened? I thought it was just a dream. Oh god I screamed at Regina!!! Why...Why did I scream at her? God Emma you need to get yourself toge-WAIT! Why am I scolding myself? She deserved it after what she put me through. God Emma what is happening to you? You need to go for a run, that will help sort your mind for the day. Plus you're still on the floor by the door.'

       Once I got up, I went upstairs to my bedroom and into the ensuite bathroom, I walked to the sink looking into the mirror.

       "Jesus Emma you look like shit."

      When I looked in the mirror, I had dry mascara and eyeliner that must have ran down my face when I was crying last night. After I washed my face, I brushed my teeth and my hair into a ponytail, then went over to my closet. I grabbed my Nike free runs and my matching Calvin Klein sports bra and leggings and changed into them. Once I was finished I grabbed a bottle of water, my keys, and then my phone. Plugging in my earbuds, I walked out the front door. before I started my run I went into my music on my phone. I hit play on 'All I have' by NF, then started my usual run through the woods and onto the beach

All I ever wanted was somebody to hear me  
And all I ever wanted was somebody to feel me  
And everybody wanna tell me that I'm out of my head  
When I'm on the mic that's fine but that don't scare me  
It's been a long time but I'm back now  
Rap pow welcome to the rap house  
Rap pow will live till I pass out blackout blackout  
Everybody keep on wondering if I still rap now  
Are you serious, anybody out there hearing this?  
Yo I came in the game as a lyricist  
And I'ma leave like that, period  
You sniff lines, I write lines, you've now entered in my mind  
And you better get ready cause you might find  
I'm from a different place and my kind  
It's a little bit different than yours is  
Quit snoring hip hop isn't dead  
It's just been in mourning from the moment I quit recording  
Quick, record this  
Listen I'm warming up and you're misinformed if  
You think that I'm slipping up, this ain't sick enough, then I'll skip the chorus  
I've been here ain't nobody heard of me?  
Yeah I'ma turn this beat to a murder scene  
I don't live for the world  
I live for the King, I live for the King, focus  
Wrote this with emotion  
It's hard to get a break when the door's ain't open  
It's hard to get a shot when the gun ain't loaded  
And it's hard to make a living when nobody wanna notice. Hold it  
What am I insane maybe, plain crazy  
You put me in a room with a mic you will not restrain me  
You do what you wanted but you can't contain me  
Lazy is not a character trait of mine, don't wait in line  
This is the current condition of my state of mindDon't tell me that this isn't real  
Don't tell me this ain't how I feel  
This is all I have all I haveAll I ever wanted was somebody to get this  
All I ever wanted was somebody to play this  
Take my song, put it on their playlist and get goosebumps every time they play it, rate us  
If that's my calling or not Father, maybe I should just not bother  
Go back to that nine to five but I am not a quitter so quit that  
I never been a killer but I guarantee I kill tracks  
Put them in a coffin, lost in, rip that  
Trying to make an impact in rap, is that insane?  
Well, I guess so  
Rap though, better give me that pencil  
And you ain't ever gonna make it, it's all mental  
I am in a place where I can't let go ah!  
I still work a job and do this  
And y'all know what's stupid?  
I thought all you had to do was get a record deal and yo things start moving  
But that's not the case because most of the times the artists you hear  
You keep on thinking that artist is new but that artist has probably been at it for years  
Yeah, in the back of my mind thinking  
Am I wasting my time dreaming  
And I ain't got no money in my wallet but  
I guarantee there ain't no way that I am gonna leave this  
I need this I swear to y'all I need this  
And this hip-hop's in my veins if you cut me I'ma bleed it  
And yo. What you think I write write raps for no reason, no  
Take my pain and I put em in a song ever since them pills they took my mom  
I've been a different person, don't try to predict my verses  
What you're hearing now is me whether I'm in front or behind that curtain  
I stand behind these words I'm a Christian but I'm not perfect  
Don't tell me to calm down I'm calm now, listen I'm just working  
Yeah it might take a minute to get it but once you get it everything will be crystal clear  
I don't think they see my vision here I don't think they see my vision here!Don't tell me that this isn't real  
Don't tell me this ain't how I feel  
This is all I have. All I have  
Don't tell me that this isn't real  
Don't tell me this ain't how I feel  
This is all I have. All I have  
Don't tell me that this isn't real  
Don't tell me this ain't how I feel  
This is all I have. All I have  
All I haveDon't tell me that this isn't real (this isn't real, this isn't real)  
This is all that I have, this is all that I have

 

    I had gotten halfway through my run when I reached the beach. I decided to stop for a few minutes just to catch my breath. When I looked up and along the beach as I started walking, I had noticed two people on the beach cuddled together. It wasn't until I had was closer did I realized who they were but you must have heard someone approaching because you had looked up and whispered " Emma?" Before standing up bringing Zelena up with you. The sudden urge to run and cry came to mind but I tried to not show it on my face but I managed to croak out "Regina? Zelena? What are you guys doing out here so early?" I felt Regina's eyes roving over my sweaty exposed stomach and arms, when I started to feel and nervous self-conscious I crossed my arms over my stomach. I was still looking between the two mainly Regina who was staring right back at me waiting for a response when Regina revealed "We've been here since last night after....what uh....happened between us."

      She said while gesturing between the two of us before adding "Well at first it was just me by myself and then a few hours later... Zelena came looking for me knowing this is where I go when I'm...well upset.....a-and n-needing to clear my head." I just kept staring at Regina, starting to feel angry and upset thinking 'Why would she be upset?' Zelena spoke up "Why don't I give you guys a few minutes?" Regina nodded and I held my gaze before wondering out loud this time still becoming more upset "Why would you be the one upset when your the one that broke my heart?!?" I didn't realize I was yelling until I saw the tears forming in her eyes. Regina cried almost sobbed out "Yes okay yes, I realized the way I reacted was wrong but it's because I needed to to sort out my own feelings for you. A-and I-I had finally came to the connection that I love you back and last night when you screamed at me and slammed the door in my face I realized why it upset me so much and then I was even more upset when I thought that I had lost my chance..b-because of the way I had initially reacted. So yes Ms. Swan....Emma I love you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again really sorry for not updating in forever will have chapter four for you guys later on up here love you all vote and comment what you think 
> 
> -Swan

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you guys think? Kudos this story and let me know in the comments below : )


End file.
